Men are lost.

And there is a solution

“As water reflects the face, so one’s life reflects the heart.” (Proverbs 27:19)

Two versions of masculinity are making new this week: the Manosphere and Looksmaxxers. The former group I’ve heard a little about, but the latter is as new to me as taking up a daily cosmetic regime.

Thanks to Louis Theroux and his Netflix documentary, ‘Inside The Manosphere’, the world of the Tate brothers and their ideological cousins has had the lid opened and it’s not pretty inside. The Manosphere are rebelling against the status quo and offering a dark and unhealthy version of manhood. It is a very unsafe and unmanly place to be. And then there is a new phenomenon, the ‘Looksmaxxers’, who according to The Age,

‘’Meet the men, and boys, who are smoking crystal meth and risking their fertility in a bid to become their most beautiful selves.’

These wanna be Ken dolls use volumes of skin care products, plastic surgery and all manner of skin relating exercises to manipulate their bodies in the vain hope of perfection. It’s as though they read the Greek myth of Narcissus and concluded, what a great idea!

The Age reports that some men go as far as breaking their bones in order to restructure their face and bodies. Unsurprisingly, they view other men as ‘submen’.

According to The Age, the ‘manosphere’ and ‘looksmaxxers’ share two things in common: derogatory views about women and about other ethnic groups. It’s hardly surprising that when one builds a false view of self, we also create wrongful views of other people.

Is being a true man about developing massive biceps and speaking with vulgarity and viewing women as either a sex object or passive trad wife? Or does being an authentic man require you to divesting all features of masculinity and learning to behave otherwise?

The problem has risen to such levels that in late 2025, the State of Victoria appointed a minister for men. Tim Richardson MP (my local member) now has a portfolio which includes, ‘Parliamentary Secretary for Men’s Behaviour Change, Health and Wellbeing’.

It’s interesting to note how inserted into the very title is a negative about men: ‘Men’s Behaviour Change’. I’m not saying that men’s behaviour doesn’t need to change, but built into the political sphere is this negative vibe about manhood, and one that we don’t see defined in any other ministerial name.

Our society has a problem with men. Documentaries and social experts can trace some of the causes, but rarely do they come up with actual solutions. It’s like a doctor who tells you the obvious, I can see the bone sticking out of your leg and there’s nothing I can do.

There is a growing collection of literature pointing to why movements like the manosphere have gained traction: it’s because of an identity crisis and because of the lack of decent male role models. The identity crisis is the product of the slow erosion of maleness and believing that being a man is good. If you’re told often enough that you’re toxic, then you’re either going want to shed your masculinity or pushback in unhelpful ways. And plenty of studies demonstrate how the absence of fathers and healthy male role models creates a void that will be filled by someone (refer to Mr Google to find them).

There is caution required in how we speak to the issue. For example, Al Stewart has makes the simple observation, we must avoid lumping together under the umbrella of Manosphere everything or everyone who doesn’t buy into the line that masculinity is toxic, hooked line and sinker. As an example, he states the glaringly obvious, the Tate Brothers and Jordan Peterson are nothing alike and their message is utterly different, and yet some people carelessly throw them together. In addition, I’ve been hearing some folk of late suggest complementarianism also belongs to the manosphere (or at the very least, the misogynist world). Not only is that false, it muddies the waters and prevents real and important conversations from taking place. By throwing in that lazy accusation, they are implying most Christians from most of history (even including the Apostles) are purveyors of the manosphere!

That’s what happens when we buy our theology and sociology from one spectrum of society or another and not from the Divine book of anthropology, the Bible.

Ever since the Fall (Genesis 3) there have been tensions and misunderstandings about men and women. At times this has produced terrible abuses and dangerous paths, for both women and men. As Western societies have, for over a century now, redeemed aspects of womanhood that had been lost and squashed, it has inadvertently diminished the idea of masculinity. Part of the issue is appreciating how intertwined male and female are, and to appreciate both without setting them against one another. It is as ancient quandary.

At the beginning, there was no tension of confusion, for man and woman coexisted and worked and related in symphonic harmony,

‘So God created mankind in his own image,

in the image of God he created them;

male and female he created them.’

Tensions and confusions were only introduced when we stopped believing God.

All is not lost. There is a solution.

In his book, The Manual: Getting Masculinity Right, Al Stewart builds a convincing case,

‘healthy masculinity is a willingness to take responsibility and use the power you have to care for and nurture those around you.’

He gets this idea from Jesus, who is the perfect (and only perfect) man. On one occasion when his disciples were arguing over greatness, Jesus taught them this,

“Not so with you. Instead, whoever wants to become great among you must be your servant, and whoever wants to be first must be slave of all. For even the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many.” (Mark 10:43-45)

Notice the vast difference between what Jesus says and the narratives we often hear, whether it’s ‘use your strength over others’ or ‘view your strength as a vice’. Jesus will of course go onto to carry out his mission with salvific power and unique Divine grace. There is also a sense in which Jesus is setting an example to follow.

Of course, societies screw this up in all kinds of ways, and we are seeing these play out in our very own culture in real time. Where some groups denigrate women, others malign masculinity. We happen to live in a culture that is hating on both (albeit in different ways).

So begins this game of ping pong from one extreme to another. It’s not that the happy place is found somewhere in the middle, as though we just need to shave off the hard edges. If we think that the winning position is found in middle, doesn’t that leave us with a kind of asexual androgyny?

We don’t need to swing from one caricature to another. Instead, realise that in the man Jesus Christ, we find our example superlative. Jesus doesn’t eradicate creational order and goods, he redeems them and fulfils them.

That means, it is possible to love both opera and Aussie Rules Footy. It is possible to both enjoy hunting and play the piano. It is possible to know how to fight with a sword and recite Shakespeare (trust me). And to all those gym loving hyper sized bicep guys out there, unless you are a professional athlete, you would’ve had next to zero chance of beating me around an athletics track when I was your age. So go grab your protein powder and chew on it!

But of course, masculinity isn’t defined by hobbies, but by character and how we treat others. Masculinity is about using power in the service of others, it is sacrificial not narcissistic.

In accepting that Jesus is the plumb line for being human, we will discover that he stands at odds with all kinds of current thinking about sexuality and gender. It’s not a surprise that Jesus doesn’t feature as the answer to Louis Theroux’s investigations or to Victoria’s Secretary to changing men’s behaviour. Jesus doesn’t play by our rules and he doesn’t conform to our inklings. For example,

If you disagree with marriage as a life long covenant between one man and one woman, and that being the one context for sex, then you have a problem with Jesus.

If you squash the value of singleness, you have a problem with Jesus.

If you think, all or any distinction between male and female should erased, you’re again setting yourself against Jesus.

If you think ‘empathy’ is a feminine quality and is the root cause of our social ills, then you’re losing something strong and vital about Jesus who is our empathetic God.

I’m sure most men and most women long for a society where healthy relationships and honouring of men and women is actualised and normalised. If we want men to avoid the really bad extremes, give them good role models.

There is an example par excellence for men to look up to and to trust. His name is Jesus. I know what some of you are thinking, even as I spell out this sentence. The thing is, if you think you are a better man than Jesus, you’re as lost as Narcissus.

In the providence of God, there are healthy role models and resources.

As I finish up, here’s a quick plug for a brand new resource for men. Karl Faase (with Olive Tree Media) has just released an 8 part series to help men wrestle with their masculinity. It’s called, ‘True North: A Series for Men’. I’m currently looking through the material and so haven’t finished as yet. So far, so good. Karl Faase is host, and Al Stewart and Sam Chan are his conversation partners and each are given time to teach the Bible during the sessions..

I want to mention just as one example for now, as a way of pointing men to a practical help. Sam Chan (and do others in program) suggests that the local church is the place where men can find godly and good examples. We need Fathers who are present in our lives (I thank God for my Dad and the great example he gave). If men are following Jesus, the true man, then men will, albeit with shortcomings, provide that ballast and example that men need.